Through my enjoyment of romantic comedies, I have heard a lot about what people think are the best places to meet other singles. Grocery stores, laundromats, the gym, bars and nightclubs are just a few I've heard suggested. So while I continue my exploration of online dating, I figure I'd give the "offline" world a whirl and see what happens. This past weekend I took a slightly whirlwind tour of most of such places and it proved interesting. I went out to a sports bar Friday night with one of my girlfriends but as I expected, it wasn't really my scene. There were men sitting at the bar and I glanced at them but I don't really want a man who hangs out at a bar. Chances are if he's there once, he's there often and that doesn't work for me. So I chose a table way in the back of the restaurant to eat at and my girlfriend and I had a great time talking and catching up. She rolled her eyes at me for my desire to remain hidden in the back but as she already has a boyfriend, she wasn't real eager to sit at the bar either. I go grocery shopping once or twice a week and rarely see a single looking man who appeals to me. The ones I do see usually don't notice me which is their loss in my opinion. Truth is, there could be attractive men milling about in the frozen foods that I never see because when I shop, I shop with a purpose. I have things to do and places to be and more often than not I'm power walking through the aisles. If an attractive man is ever bold enough to try and keep up with my pace and say hi, I'll be impressed. This past Saturday's jaunt to the grocery store produced no such men though. I had to go to the laundromat to wash the bedspreads I use to line Jazzmin's crate and her bed in my room because they don't wash well in a normal machine. The laundromat was pretty deserted even in the college town where it was and while I did get my laundry done, someone there walked off with my bleach and I ended running out of quarters before everything was dry. I suppose a laundromat in a more populated area might produce better results but I live where I live and it is what it is. I belong to a gym and go on weekdays either before or after work. There are rarely more than three people in the place and the ones that are there are usually older gentlemen or women. I admire and appreciate anyone who works out and takes charge of their health but have yet to see any men there that appeal to me. Again, I'm there with a purpose and my time is precious so I don't really go to window shop for dudes. I have occasionally noticed younger men glance at me when they're actually there but usually the attention I receive is due to my clumsiness. I've lost track of how many times I've become tangled in my earbuds and accidentally dropped by mp3 player while on the elliptical. I've also whacked my head on a few of the machines while adjusting things and stumbled over air pockets in the floor so if a muscled guy is looking for a little hard body chick who is grace personified, that sure isn't me! So my weekend was a whirlwind tour of the usual "singles scene" and while it was interesting, I didn't meet a single available attractive man. I continue on my quest for love and companionship though and to all those other single people out there on a similar quest, I wish you the best of luck! Just remember that fortune favors the bold and the sweetest rewards can come from the hardest work.
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"Must Love Dogs" starring Diane Lane and John Cusack is one of my favorite movies. I can relate to Diane Lane's character on many levels and the part in the grocery store involving how much chicken she wants to buy always makes me laugh. It's an amusing movie for those who enjoy romantic comedies like myself. I'm still personally in search of love. I'm sure I'm not alone in my belief that it is no easy task. Trying to find that one other person who connects with you in the deepest part of your heart and accepts you unconditionally is a daunting endeavor. Many have thrown in the towel or "benched" themselves feeling it hopeless, but not me. Perhaps it's the undying romantic in me that holds out hope that someday, the right one will come along. My girlfriends all want me to find someone special who can truly appreciate me and my unique quirks as much as they do. As cool and cute as I believe myself to be, I have received rather mixed signals from the opposite sex, as I'm sure everyone has. Sometimes the uncertainty and confusion of it all leads me to wonder if it might be easier to be a dog. For one thing, dogs don't really understand a majority of human conversations. If someone tells them "you're weird" in a fun praising tone, they'll think that's an awesome thing! If a person just wants to be with them to pet them, that's just peachy too! Not to mention the fact that dogs receive cookies for doing something good. Were it possible for me to reward myself with a cookie every time I did something praiseworthy without it going to my hips, I'd be all for that too! But I'm human and like ALL humans, I'm flawed. I'm beautifully imperfect me. What I find interesting about the movie "Must Love Dogs" is that neither of the main characters actually own a dog until the end credits. Obviously that isn't the main point of the movie but it's part of the theme. I do personally own a dog and I love my Jazzmin and I want a man who can love her too...just not more than he loves me. Sound peculiar? If you'd lived my life up to this point, it wouldn't sound peculiar at all. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, a majority of dog lovers that encounter Jazz comment on what a beautiful dog she is. I don't disagree with them. Jazz has gorgeous conformation when she stands alert watching for something and nearly every inch of her is sleek, and yet somehow curvaceous, muscle. Her adorable brown eyes are outlined in black giving her that 80's look and her right ear is always up a little higher than her left. She has a streak of white down her nose and down the front of her chest and she always looks so clean and well put-together. Every morning I wake up to her head on the edge of my bed as her tail thumps in a cute rhythm against my hamper and feeling that kind of love and loyalty is a great way to start the day! She has this way of flopping down on the carpet as if she's just gone "splat" and she can be oh so dramatic when laying in the middle of the kitchen trying to pretend she doesn't know I'm cooking. If that whole description of my dog just made you start to nod off then you're obviously not as appreciative of the canine form as myself. I adopted Jazz from a local shelter to keep me company, make me feel less lonely when I don't have my daughters and to make me go for walks. She did all of that and more and I am eternally grateful I found her. Judging by the huge burp she just did in my face as her comment on dinner, she's grateful I found her too. She'll be 3 years old in October (as guessed by the shelter) and she's still very much a puppy. She's a very good girl and has decent manners but I admit we could use some help coordinating our efforts out on walks. We may always be figuring each other out but I love her and she loves me and we work. Now if I can just find a man who cares about me, thinks it's cool that I have such an adorable dog and has no problem when I occasionally load her in the car to go see him where he lives...then we'll be talking. For now it's just Jules and Jazz and the never-ending adventures continue... I wonder what it is like to be "that woman."
The woman who walks in the room and demands everyone’s attention. The woman with the dark eyes, full of mystery and magic that draw in both men and women, and makes them yearn to know the secrets hidden within. The woman with the cascading raven hair that evokes ballads from minstrels and sonnets from poets. The woman who leaves a nearly physical spirit behind with anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to touch her. The woman whose vision lingers in dreams and whose voice echoes softly amidst whispers. The woman with fingers tender enough to caress the most delicate of mists and nails hard enough to pierce the harshest of stones. The woman whose influence is remembered when her existence has long faded. The woman men rally to defend though she possesses her own strength for battle. The woman who runs drenched amidst a thunderstorm to challenge the lightning with her fists. The woman whose passion is not seen with eyes but perceived by souls. The woman whose laughter can illuminate the darkest of days if only in a memory. The woman who can carry the heaviest and saddest of hearts upon her shoulders without a single faltering step. The woman who lingers on the edge of darkness while clinging to the shadows of moonlight. The woman who cherishes the girl of her past while knowing that she is intertwined with the goddess of her future. That woman within and without me. I have had many nicknames in my life and not all of them have been kind but that's probably true of most people. Those who know me well have their own unique nicknames or pet names for me and I'm very happy with that. To know me is to love me, my friends say and I tend to believe they mean that. In the many unpublished fantasy books I have written, I've had to come up with a large quantity of original character names. Most of them just popped into my head and some I made up by combining words in different languages. In one of my more recent books I created a character named Sriset and I thought at the time that I made the name up. Turns out the name exists in other cultures but I did not realize this until I started playing World of Warcraft. Yes, I said Warcraft. My older brother talked me into playing the online game and for many months I was hooked. I chose the name Sriset for my first character (she was a hunter) because I wanted a name that didn't exist on any realm in Warcraft yet. I just checked the Armory and I'm still the only Sriset which makes me rather proud. Mind you I haven't played in quite some time and don't intend to again anytime soon. I simply don't have the time. I knew nothing about online gaming when I started playing Warcraft and I only know slightly more after numerous months of playing. I was at one time a Guild Leader and my guild members started shortening my name to Sri. I became notorious for becoming lost in dungeons and on quests so I was also known as "Perpetually Lost Sri." I wore that name with a unique feeling of honor because it was true and because no matter how lost I became, my online friends were always nice enough to come find me. It is a truly interesting and nice feeling to know that a bunch of people who had never actually met me in person liked me enough through in game chatting to stick with me and call me friend. My fondness for the name Sriset will never fade and it is another extension of my persona. I feel it suits me on Twitter because as I used to do on Warcraft, I am daily questing to make new contacts and friends and learn about new places...though this time it is through descriptions limited to 140 characters. In real life I am quite often still "Lost Sri" but I have learned to find my way. I have also discovered that even a journey along the "wrong" path can turn out more right than ever imagined. I am a big believer in signs. I like little breadcrumbs along the path to help me know I'm headed in the right direction. My internal compass malfunctions sometimes too and sends me in circles so a little extra guidance is a bonus. My curiosity leads me to explore various new and interesting things and I'm always gaining new knowledge. For someone as expressive as I am, it's nice to have cool facts rattling around in my brain that can pop out at weird and unexpected times. I was always amazed with my father's ability to pull up cool information when we were out and about. He always gained my immediate attention when he would say "Did you know that..." I learned so much from him and I always wanted to be like him. Turns out that I am in fact quite a lot like him. When I'm out with my daughters or my friends and I see something that sparks the memory of an article I read, I find myself uttering the words "Did you know that..." I love to share what I've learned and while I can never be certain if the people I'm with actually listen to what I prattle about, I prattle on anyway. Recently a couple of my searches produced rather interesting and coordinating results that I took as signs. I was digging through my numerous desk drawers looking for notes on the book I'm writing and while I didn't find the notes, I did find 15 forever postage stamps I had almost forgotten I owned. This immediately sparked some ideas within my mind as to what I could use those stamps for and none of those ideas were as boring as mailing bills. I pay everything online anyway so that would just be silly. I knew I could use those stamps to get my name and talents out into the world somehow but I didn't quite know how. I placed the stamps on top of my desk and began poking around online for information important to where I want my future to lead. This search led me to beautiful pictures and intriguing details about somewhere I already love despite the fact that I've never physically been there. I've visited there through pictures from my dear friend and in my daydreaming and I began to see that my creative talents could help more people love the area as much as I do. Suddenly everything clicked in my brain and it became clear to me where these new signs were leading me. I know exactly what I'm going to use those stamps for and I've set my plan in motion. I've started my own personal campaign to achieve my dreams and I call it "15 stamps to Forever." Some people might dismiss all that has happened as coincidence and I understand that and accept that everyone has their own beliefs. For me though, the signs are helping me follow my heart. I believe in love and the power of dreams and if you do too I invite you to follow me on my journey... Time is such an unusual beast sometimes. It can pass so slowly and painfully, or speed by far too fast, or seem to have not existed at all. Never underestimate the amazing powers time possesses. After not seeing my friend for several months I expected to cry the moment I laid my eyes on him. To my surprise, I did not. Why? Because the moment I saw him again it felt like barely any time had passed at all and that it had only been mere days since we said goodbye. I only know one other person who I feel that way about and she is my best friend whom I have known for over 20 years. She and I knew each other for many years before life and distance separated us, whereas the friend I saw this weekend I haven't even known a year yet. It is an amazing familiarity to find twice in my life and one I feel blessed to have. My east coast friend and I are kindred spirits but we're certainly not exactly alike. He is a laid back and yet hard worker and I am an overly energetic creature who has trouble keeping focused. Wise people say that finding balance is important and I think he and I balance each other somewhat. We are both finding our way in this confusing, obstacle-filled world and we are both optimists. His strength is far more obvious and honed where mine tends to be hidden and disorganized. I do not believe I am completely hopeless though. He took me to a butterfly sanctuary and it was a wonderful experience! I love butterflies and they are very symbolic to me of hope and renewal. To see them all flying around in clusters, pairs and solo was truly beautiful. We were both using our camera phones to take pictures of the butterflies and I watched enviously as he would touch the screen on his phone to make his camera focus where he wanted it to. My phone has no such feature and an upgrade is not in the foreseeable future, so the pictures I took with it did not always focus on my intended subject. As I watched him touching to focus the picture, it reminded me much of what it takes to make me truly find my own focus. I need to be touched. Touching me physically and touching my heart is a powerful combination and it helps bring everything into focus for me. I feel like this wild, flickering light that's always bouncing around seeking a place to rest and never quite finding it. I glow brighter sometimes and grow dim during other times and I know that if I just focus my energy, I can harness the light within me and intensify it for the whole world to see. My friend and I parted after not quite a whole day together and it was not easy for me to say goodbye. I vowed that I would see him again and I will. Time is still weaving a complicated path for he and I and the timing itself still isn't quite right but I have hope and my eternal stubborn determination to help me through. Like a finger upon a touchscreen, I will touch to focus, trace a path through and over any obstacles in the way, and press on until my light glows so bright it's blinding. The air was very still tonight
The glow of fireflies the only light I heard a rumbling in the distance Mother Nature in her usual dance. A cloudy darkness, thick and warm Will be no drier after the storm And yet to breathe it in brings comfort For someone of the simple earthy sort. Bare feet upon upon a cool deck I step to the railing just to check What stretches beyond the open field And wonder what life will someday yield. The first big drops of rain start to fall I close my eyes, smile, enjoy it all My skin, my clothes, my hair all wet But I am not ready to go inside yet. There is something so cleansing about warm rain How it opens my heart and washes away the pain So many dreams I haven't claimed My spirit wild and forever untamed. I am a lover, fighter, champion and friend Who like the willow has learned to bend For in this life there are no rewards To those who never lay down their swords. There must be balance to keep things going To accept and understand that even hurt is worth knowing The lessons are not always fun And some battles can not be won. Every storm comes fierce and strong But such power and fury can't last long And when peace returns and turmoil is gone There will always be a brighter and more beautiful dawn. Today is my birthday. When I was younger birthdays were the best days ever, with family, friends, fun, cake and presents. These days birthdays for me are bittersweet celebrations. I am blessed to have two beautiful daughters, a loving family and devoted friends and I will never take any of that for granted. Still, I selfishly wish my friends could be with me today and I still long for a present I know I can't have: my father back. I know my father is always with me in spirit and that he's at peace now but I miss those great, strong, tangible hugs of his every day of my life. I'll hug my girls a bit tighter today, take a bit longer to part from my mother this evening when dinner is over, and enjoy the long distance well wishes from my friends while wishing that they were with me in person...
For the past several years I've had a really hard time coming up with things to put on a birthday list. It isn't that I don't know what I want; it's that the gifts I want can't be purchased at any store in the universe. I want simple happiness, fulfillment, a great future for my girls, my mother to live forever, my brothers to be the men they were meant to be, to share my books and paintings with the world, to be able to sing without going flat (a girl can dream lol), to never be a burden to those who love me, to always be able to make people laugh and smile, to be the beautiful sunshine my parents always saw in me...and to have a man who can love me as unconditionally as my father did and see my light even when I am in the darkest of shadows. Oh, and to have some flowers actually bloom in my wreck of a garden this year would be great too. Not too much to ask for, I think? Intangible gifts are so much harder to acquire than tangible gifts but truly priceless. All the shiny, pretty things in the world are nothing compared to the love of family and friends and it is an amazing blessing when you finally realize that. Today is my birthday but I am not so conceited as to claim an entire day as my own, so I wish all who read this a truly wonderful day full of everything that touches your heart and lifts your spirit. I admit it, I was lazy over the three day holiday weekend and didn't get up at 5am even once. That really was the extent of my laziness though because once I was up and moving, I didn't stop moving until the sun set! The weather this weekend was beautiful so of course I tackled yard work and made sure my acreage didn't turn into a wild jungle. I even trimmed the tall bushes in front of my house because their new growth was making it difficult to see out my picture window. Trimming bushes taller than I am was no easy task and involved carefully balancing being on a ladder, operating electric sheers and not leaning so far forward I fell into the bushes or tipped the ladder backward. I think I burned more calories being all nervous doing that than I did performing physical exertion in hot temperatures and beating sun. Coordination has never been my strong point, but I survived and conquered the bushes (mostly) and can now gaze happily out my front window to watch the sunrise lighten the sky.
There's a little house wren outside the window this morning and it's amazing that such a loud song comes from such a tiny thing. He's being very persistent and dedicated in his morning exuberance and I'm impressed. I do know what it is though to be so determined that nothing will stop me and like the wren, I remain undeterred when someone growls at me. I didn't growl at him but I imagine people who love mornings less than I do certainly would. I suppose my tenacious nature and refusal to give up on certain dreams and desires might wear on the nerves of those who don't truly understand me, but I still feel such qualities are to be admired. I took a very important and long overdue step yesterday by mailing out an inquiry letter for one of my many romance novels. I will be following that one letter up with many others to various publishers and I won't quit this time until my books are out there to be read and enjoyed by others. I love to share my passion, I live for it and I truly can't afford to waste any more time on silly things like fear of rejection and criticism. What I write is real and genuine because it comes from my life experiences and is spoken from my heart. Someday a truly enlightened person will see that, and then look out world! No really, look out because I tend to be kind of clumsy and I might stumble into you when my exuberance disorients me while I navigate the exciting path to success. On the weekends when I have my daughters, my cell phone alarm wakes me up playing the song "Telling the World" by Taio Cruz. It is truly inspiring to wake up to the words "Every part of my heart I'm giving out, every song on my lips I'm singing out..." I open my eyes and greet the day and my heart and spirit beat in the optimistic hope that someday, the man I chose to share my heart with will wake up knowing how lucky he is to have me as his girl. Perhaps that sounds a little conceited, but to me it really isn't that much to ask. Ask women what they think romance is and I guarantee you'll get a variety of different answers. Sure there are the usual flowers, jewelry, candy, remembering important dates, etc. that pop into mind first, but romance is so much more than that! Romance shouldn't be about materialistic "things" and flowers that wilt, it should be about something deeper and more enduring. To me the smallest gestures touch me where it counts. Opening a car or entrance door for me, pulling out my chair at the table, holding my hand, moving my hair off my shoulders, touching my face, meeting my gaze when I speak, kissing me, wanting to be close to me no matter where we are, missing me when we're apart...and so much more. I love affection, I love feeling coveted, I love knowing that the person I'm with truly appreciates all that makes me who I am and will never hold it against me when I stumble along the complicated path of life. I know I love all those things even though I have never actually experienced all of them. I suppose that's what makes me such a prolific romance writer; that eternal hope and desire for something I'm not entirely sure exists... |
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