Your time is valuable, never forget that. Those aren't just words to use as an excuse when you don't want to do something, those are words that should actually mean something. Time is far too fleeting and precious to waste on frivolous endeavors that do not further you on your path. Know and accept that your time is valuable because YOU are valuable. No matter what anyone else in this world might say or think, you are an important commodity and should never be taken for granted. If life has repeatedly shown you that something you say or do makes a difference and is appreciated, open your eyes and see that. Do not dismiss praise and recognition as a one-time thing or feel that you if you accept your own importance, you're not being humble any longer. As long as you work hard and earn that positive recognition then it is truly yours and it is not conceited to acknowledge that. When that pat on the back happens once, smile and enjoy it, and when it happens consistently accept that what you do comes from who you are as a person. Take pride in your work and follow your bliss. Everyone has their own perspective so your efforts will not always be seen as beneficial or praise-worthy. Don't believe that the opinions of the few are the feelings of the majority though. Stop being your own worst critic and start seeing yourself in the positive light others see around you. The sooner you understand that both you and your time are valuable, the sooner you will be on your way to much better things!
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I adore being on a warm beach. I'm not one to sit out in the sun all day tanning because I believe in being pale and healthy. When I'm at the beach I'm well covered in sunscreen and my toes are in the water. As cliché as it may sound, one of my favorite activities is walking along the beach. Nothing compares to strolling in the shallow waves enjoying the feel of the sand beneath my bare feet. There's just something beautifully calming about walking on a surface that softens gently beneath me as warm water flows over my toes and ankles. As anyone who has ever walked on a beach knows, the incoming tide will inevitably wash away all traces of footprints. When I walk in the shallow water my prints are nothing more than indents in the sand below the surface and my passage is quickly forgotten by the ocean. Sometimes I'll stop, crouch down and pick up a handful of wet sand just to feel it in my hand. It is impossible to hold sand for very long because it falls swiftly from the grasp. Sand of the perfect dampness to create sandcastles will hold its shape for a while but as it dries it crumbles, if the waves do not destroy it first. Sand has long been used to gauge the passage of time because it flows so swiftly and free. Trying to hold onto sand is a futile endeavor because it is not meant to be trapped. The tighter the grip on it, the faster it escapes, but if you leave your palm open and have just a small pile there, it will remain a while longer. Warm beach sand sparkles in the sunlight and is smooth to the touch and it is happiest when left where it came from. The only way to truly hold sand for any length of time is to transform it into something else. Intricate glass creations can be created when sand is heated and blown by skilled craftsmen. There is no holding onto true, free, unaltered sand and it is best to remember this. Sometimes holding something even tighter just makes it slip away faster. By opening your palm and allowing something to be as it is you grant it freedom and sometimes in that freedom it will willingly form itself into something that you can in fact grasp. You cannot predict when certain things and people will slip from your grasp. That is a good thing because then when they choose to return as something attainable, it is a blessed and surprising gift. We've all done it. Walked up to a door and tried to pull on it when it's a push open or push on it when it's a pull open. It can be embarrassing, especially if we do it with the same door more than once. Why can't we do it right the first time? Why didn't we pay attention? How could we keep forgetting? Doorways and passages in the journey of life are no different. There are those doors that we keep pushing on with all our might but they refuse to budge. We try a different approach by pulling on the door but it still won't give and yet the handle turns meaning that the door is unlocked. Then we start to wonder why that particular door is locked to us, especially if it's one we're sure should be open to us by now. Where did we go wrong? Will the door open for someone else? Or is the timing just wrong and we have to wait a while longer? Sometimes the best course of action for such stubborn doors is to just move on and try a different doorway. This doesn't mean we can't someday come back to that door and test it again but our journey should not center around something that is barring our path. Some doorways will be wide open to us and some of us will step right through those fearlessly while others will wonder why they're open. Is it a trick? What lies beyond the door? What if we don't like what we find? Doorways are always open to us for a reason and the longer we stand there succumbing to doubt and fear the more likely it is that the door will close on us and we'll never get our answers. Fear can cripple us and prevent us from ever taking those forward steps that will bring us to a more promising future. We stand there holding onto a door handle pulling, pushing and wiggling it because we're afraid that letting go will undo all the progress we've made to open that door, even if we've made no real progress at all. There comes a point when we just have to let go, drop our hands, wipe the sweat from our palms and turn a different direction. Look for another door that speaks to you and try opening it and who knows what you'll find. Not every door will open to you but those that do are meant to be walked through. Even if you have to close your eyes to do it, step through that open doorway and experience what lies beyond. Sometimes events in our lives seem so familiar we're almost convinced we know how they're going to play out. But we really don't know because it is not within our abilities to possess that level of certainty. What fun would life be if we always knew what was coming? It might be less stressful and worrisome but it would grow stale rather fast and we would long for not only the ups, but the downs. Life is not like a road on a map. Roads were built by men and when they are drawn on maps it is assumed they will keep that same path for the foreseeable future. When roads change, maps get updated and barring a natural disaster, those roads will continue to maintain their designated lines. We can all certainly map out what we want our lives to be and strive for certain attainable goals in our education and career. When it comes to planning for the human factor of those goals, none of what is written down is ever permanent or guaranteed. When things start to veer off the planned path we've made for ourselves, we can get anxious, stressed, worried and confused. We get up on our proverbial tiptoes and crane our necks trying to see around that next bend in the road of life so we can prepare for what's coming. What we forget is that nothing lies beyond that bend yet and it is up to us to decide to either accept that or go nuts trying to guess what it might be. Worrying stems from a fear of the unknown and the belief that if we can just control everything then we'll be safe. Total control isn't possible and sometimes being safe means not really living. It is far better that we hope for and work toward the future path we want than live in dread that the way will suddenly fall out beneath our feet. The path will fall out beneath us at some point but there is always a bridge somewhere that will help us continue on in a different direction. Continuing our journey is how we create our own unique road of life. Even when we can't see what lies around the bend we have to take that leap of faith and believe that we have the strength to endure the journey and see the light beyond. History tends to repeat itself. Not just in big world events but in our lives and personal relationships. Sometimes it is a positive and beneficial thing and sometimes it is a negative and detrimental thing. Preventing history from repeating itself is definitely possible in certain circumstances. If we keep making the same mistakes and not learning the life lesson intended from the first time we made those mistakes, then we're allowing history to repeat itself. There are however many times when there's nothing we can do to stop history from cycling through again in an all too familiar way and that can prove rather frustrating. As much as many of us might wish it were otherwise, we can't control the universe. There are some who can quite possibly see the future but that doesn't mean they can really do anything to change it. What if the very thing they do to change the future creates that unwanted future? It is a conundrum often repeated in science fiction stories and movies and for good reason. Humans don't like feeling helpless. Uncertainty causes worry and fear and those are emotions no one truly enjoys. But accepting that certain things are beyond our control isn't easy to swallow either. This is where faith comes in... Faith is the belief that somehow things will all work out regardless of what we do or do not do. This is not a force that will somehow pay your bills if you don't send the money, that sort of thing is wholly within our control and should not be left up to the universe. Faith is a force for much bigger things. It and hope are what we cling to in our darkest hours when things look bleak and full of despair. If we do not hold on to that small sliver of belief that things will be okay somehow then we have given up and that accomplishes nothing. It is not just unseen forces that one need have faith in. Having faith in those who love us and believing that they will help us through our struggles is just as important. A tangible strength and support is a different level of comfort and reassurance than blind faith. If we start to doubt that those who love us will be there for us, then it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as we push them away for fear that they'll abandon us eventually anyway. Not all of our loved ones will be there for us but those who are loyal without falter are the ones that truly matter in the bigger scheme of things. Having this sort of history with people makes for an enduring repetitive experience and creates the ties that truly bind us all together. People on shelves. Sounds like a weird concept perhaps until you stop to consider that every person has a story and those stories are like books waiting to be read. Some such books have never been opened and some have been opened and closed many times. The stories within each of us are far more interesting than we may realize and filled with life lessons, secret meanings, footnotes and reference materials. Even someone who has done the same exact thing for their entire lives has something important and interesting to tell because into even the most mundane existence, the world around us has a way of interjecting its own excitement. Some people are eager to tell their story and so they fling their pages wide and write the words in bold dark print. Others like to tell their story in a nice even tone and pace until some unexpected event jumps out of the pages suddenly making it a popup book. Still others are not so eager to have their stories read so they are written in very faint ink with certain details omitted or changed to sound more appealing. The truth of the matter is that our story is our life and as much as we might wish otherwise, we can't go back and edit or change things because then that story is no longer us. Events have already happened, both good and bad, and our wisest course of action is to learn from them instead of living in regret or longing. On these shelves of people/books there are numerous tomes that have been taken down, read and then put back on the shelf, perhaps even tucked behind other books so they are hidden out of sight. Some of these books feel that they deserve their fate and stay hidden in the shadows or atop a high out of reach shelf. The smarter and braver of these books push through back to the front of the shelf or climb onto a lower shelf so they are again within reach. We all deserve to be read and accepted as what we are and if we just hang in there and hold our place on the shelf, the right people will find us, read us, understand us and add their own story to ours. We are all of us entitled to our opinion. It's part of having freewill. We can share that opinion with others but we should never expect them to accept it as the only real truth. Doing so is conceited, selfish and just plain stupid. There come moments in our lives when we all realize that it is better to hold our words than to speak them. Some of us realize that too late and the words have already been spoken and cannot be taken back. I am not trying to say that we should constantly censor ourselves, but it is wise to think before speaking. Really truly think through what you are about to say and try to decide if it holds actual merit. This is not something we can do all the time nor should we try to because it would be exhausting! It is however far more possible in this age of modern technology when so many of us communicate via text and email more than spoken word. Texts and emails are forms of instant communication but they do not always have to be used so. The written word is usually far more memorable than the spoken word. More often than not though, we let our text and email "mouths" get ahead of our brains and the consequences are not always pleasant. Fortunate are we that have friends we can blab anything to, written and spoken, even if it does not make sense and makes us later wonder what we were thinking. By doing that we actually learn who are real friends are because they are the ones who will listen to it all, mull it over and either let it pass as temporary insanity or give their own opinion on the matter. A different perspective on a problem can be ever so helpful! Those that know us best will know exactly how to get through to us, whether it is with kind words, a stern scolding or a kick in the butt. It is this give and take of thoughts and opinions that build strong and lasting relationships. Constantly trying to shove your own opinion onto someone else will soon make them deaf to your words. This foolish pursuit means that should there ever come a time when you have something worthwhile to say, it will no longer matter. It is never a bad thing to pause a moment, take a breath and think before you speak, fire off a text or send an email. Rethink what you're about to say, reread your words; try to consider the implications of your words. We cannot always do this when our emotions get the best of us but we can always learn from our mistakes. I often hear my father's voice in my head telling me to "be patient" when it's the last thing I want to be but when I haven't heeded his words I've stumbled into unpleasant situations and worked myself up about nothing. Words of caution are usually words of wisdom and it is within each of us to find the ability to listen. I am not fond of winter. The cold temperatures, the nasty wind chills, the shorter days and especially the snow. I don't ski or ride around like a crazy person on snowmobiles and when the snow falls my biggest interactions with it are shoveling it and driving in it. I did something unusual this year, I actually wished for a white Christmas for my daughters. As much as I hate dealing with snow, I knew how much snow on the holiday would make them happy. Lo and behold, it snowed! It was just enough to play in and within a day it had started to melt. I was content with that. Alas, a couple days later the area where I live got dumped on by a foot and a half of snow and I was then ready for winter to be over with. I tried to shovel out my long driveway but it was just too much for me so I swallowed my pride and asked my ex husband to come plow me out with his truck. Thankfully he did and I was able to escape my driveway in my little Matrix but the snow continues to fall almost daily. I had to shovel out my entire driveway when we received five fresh inches of snow a day later. It was light and fluffy snow but that doesn't make my driveway any shorter and by the time I finished, my whole body hurt. There's an accumulation of almost six inches out there now and I will have to shovel again soon if I want to keep getting in and out of my driveway. I groan at the very thought. There has also been a rather large lack of sun since the snow started flying. Occasionally it pops out but it's usually so blinding reflecting off the snow I don't go out in it. Most days though it hasn't appeared at all and that does nothing for my spirits. I have to keep the curtains closed in my house to keep the warmth in and even then cold air gets in. I've covered several of the windows in plastic and that helps considerably but this house still leaks heat from all sorts of places. I walk around wearing a sweatshirt, thick fleece pants and fuzzy slippers that go up over my ankles. No sex appeal to be found when I'm trying to keep warm. In Upstate NY winter will last another 3 to 4 months and that is a depressing prospect to say the least. I get home from work and all I want to do is nap until Spring comes. Fortunately, I was smarter than I realized when I bought an Xbox 360 kinect for our big Christmas present this year. I love to dance and have always wanted to know choreographed moves and the Dance Central game plays right into my desires. I can't help but play the game every night and I end up having so much fun doing so that an hour passes before I know it. There are tons of songs to choose from, many of which I know and love and I am constantly improving, much to my own amazement. Thanks to that game, I get off my butt and exercise and that certainly lifts my spirits for a bit. Between Dance Central and shoveling I am hopeful that my body will be in awesome shape by the time it's warm enough to actually remove some layers and show it off. Now if my daily naps somehow inexplicably contribute to a hot body too then I'm all set! Is it Spring yet? No one should complain that there weren't enough warnings about Hurricane Sandy and what a huge threat she posed to the Northeast United States. I know that all the publicity about it certainly got me riled up and worried! I was more worried about my friends in NYC and Massachusetts than I was about where I lived. I expected horribly high winds, torrential downpours, flooding tides and all sorts of mayhem. My worry powers were in full force and my friends were all advising me to stop worrying so much. Really nothing unusual. I stayed home from work yesterday because my youngest daughter wasn't feeling well. She'd had the energy of a wet washcloth the day before so I didn't think it was wise to send her to school. She perked up a bit yesterday though and it was nice being home with her just like the good old days when I was a stay at home mom. My pup Jazzmin was worried about me because I was worried and my very dog expert friend told me I needed to calm down so she'd relax. Well Jazz and I had no problem relaxing on the couch for much of the afternoon enjoying quality snuggle time the likes of which we haven't had since last winter. My youngest perked up considerably and played with toys and actually ate so I knew she was feeling better. Back to the storm! The winds began picking up here in the afternoon just as predicted. I was concerned because they were northerly winds and all the advisories kept saying that tree root systems around here aren't used to northerly winds so the potential for them toppling was higher. I have several large trees in my yard, one of which is a towering pine tree right on the north side of my house. I didn't enjoy the thought of it blowing over and potentially wiping out my deck, my car or half my house. I moved my car out of its potential path just in case and hoped that the towering pine was strong enough to hold its own. The wind was a bit gusty but certainly nothing worse than I've experienced here before. The rain was off and on but nothing really concerning. The weather reports kept saying the worst was yet to come though so I was still bracing for the worst. Fortunately we'd had power all day and I was crossing my fingers that it would remain on. I was getting the girls ready for bed and then poof! Power was gone! I groaned in dismay because my youngest is afraid of the dark and it's rather tricky finding flashlights it utter darkness if you don't remember where you last laid them down. My oldest and I found the flashlights which helped us find some other battery powered lights to illuminate the darkness. I ended up going in the basement and digging out some Halloween LED light up ghosts for the girls to use as nightlights and I think I did an awesome job improvising. I only hoped the lights lasted through the night or until power was restored. I was awakened two hours later by the various beeps and whirs that accompany power being restored in my house. I was very happy it had been restored so quickly! I then stumbled around in the unexpectedly bright lights and turned everything off from earlier before returning to bed. The power remained on and when my phone alarm went off at 5am I came out in the living room and was confused by the amount of light coming in through the windows. I opened my deck door and was greeted by a glimpse of the nearly full moon glowing amid the swiftly moving clouds. I smiled at the sight of it and thanked all the powers that be that for me anyway, Hurricane Sandy turned out to be much ado about not that much. My father was a great man. He wasn't perfect by any means but as I say, perfect is boring and quite honestly, unattainable. What made my father great was his kind heart, caring nature, quirky sense of humor, passion for and knowledge of history, and most importantly, the love he had for his family. That love lives on even though he has departed this world and every day his spirit touches me in some way. I am a mere shadow of the person he was but I strive every day to attain such greatness. I expected last week to be tough and it certainly had its low moments but they were countered by some amazingly unexpected high moments. Life has tested me over the past couple months and given me challenges I managed to overcome even though I stumbled a bit. My faith in certain things left me but my hope for those same things remained. This past week I was shown that even though I lose faith and succumb to the darker side of shadows, faith never completely gives up on me. Hope is a very powerful force and it is intertwined with faith whether we realize it or not. There was one thing I could not give up on, despite saying I had and trying to convince myself I had. I can't explain why I didn't give up, why I couldn't let go, aside from the fact that I just didn't want to. There was perhaps a different reason, a deeper meaning behind my inability to release that last little bit of hope. Whatever the reason, a great gift was bestowed upon me last week and it proved to me that I have the most amazing best friend in the world! It also showed me that shadows are not something to be feared because they can not exist without light. So while I expected my path last week to go one way, it went a completely new way and in a lovely upward direction. I still had sad moments where the tears from missing my father flowed freely, but amid those moments the love of my friends and family shined through, lifted me up and kept me strong. I learned to smile again and I laughed without restraint and I sang loudly and off key in my car to songs that I hadn't wanted to hear anymore until that moment. My oldest daughter noted that I was going around the house singing my snippets of show tunes again and when I asked if it bothered her she said "No!" For her to say that tells me that I was lower than I realized. The 10 year old girl who had always rolled her eyes and grumbled when her mother sang "I feel pretty" was now smiling at the sound of my voice and that was yet another blessed gift. I am one person but I am made better and held together by the spirits of my family and friends. I shall never take that for granted again and I will pay heed to my father's voice in my head when he tells me "Be patient." Slow down, breathe, relax, have faith, hold hope and continue on the path and the rewards will always be surprising. |
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