I stayed home from work today and it's something I haven't done in over a year. I've taken vacation days to go on fun and interesting adventures but for me to take a sick day I have to be in serious discomfort. I don't like being benched. Today I took a sick day because I have had an almost constant headache and neck ache for nearly a week. I twisted or pulled something in my neck and the more I move, the more the pain radiates up through my entire head. As I write this I'm sitting up in bed with a heating pad curled up behind my neck like a pillow and it's bringing much needed relief. Poor Jazzmin is confused as to why mama is home and not taking her for a walk but I'll make up it up to her with lots of hilly walks when I'm back up to snuff. I'm not one to accept being waylaid by sickness or pain. Despite my undying headache I still went to the gym twice this week and walked on my lunch breaks and did all the normal exercise I usually do. In hindsight, maybe I should have taken it easier on myself but I tend to be rather stubborn. I always get stubbornness and determination confused and when I get it set in my head that I want to do something, I do it. This trait of mine has led me to experience many life lessons that were nothing at all like I expected and to accept that the best laid plans are more like guidelines than how things will really work out. I've had a lot of time to think today and try to come to terms with certain things. There are some pages in the novel of me that I have to turn and I'm having a hard time with it. I don't want to move the bookmark; I don't want to put those chapters totally in my past where the memories of them will eventually fade. I keep hoping that if I just reread a certain page or paragraph a few more times I'll see where I went wrong and where life took a turn in the direction I never wanted it to go. The writing remains the same though, the words don't change and the experiences have all happened and time has continued on. Despite how I sometimes wish time would stop moving forward, it always does and I eventually remember that fighting it is a foolish waste of my heart and spirit. So I will turn the pages and I will start a new chapter and I will continue on with my undying optimism and hope. I always persevere and the sunshine always breaks through the storm clouds. Always.
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Through my enjoyment of romantic comedies, I have heard a lot about what people think are the best places to meet other singles. Grocery stores, laundromats, the gym, bars and nightclubs are just a few I've heard suggested. So while I continue my exploration of online dating, I figure I'd give the "offline" world a whirl and see what happens. This past weekend I took a slightly whirlwind tour of most of such places and it proved interesting. I went out to a sports bar Friday night with one of my girlfriends but as I expected, it wasn't really my scene. There were men sitting at the bar and I glanced at them but I don't really want a man who hangs out at a bar. Chances are if he's there once, he's there often and that doesn't work for me. So I chose a table way in the back of the restaurant to eat at and my girlfriend and I had a great time talking and catching up. She rolled her eyes at me for my desire to remain hidden in the back but as she already has a boyfriend, she wasn't real eager to sit at the bar either. I go grocery shopping once or twice a week and rarely see a single looking man who appeals to me. The ones I do see usually don't notice me which is their loss in my opinion. Truth is, there could be attractive men milling about in the frozen foods that I never see because when I shop, I shop with a purpose. I have things to do and places to be and more often than not I'm power walking through the aisles. If an attractive man is ever bold enough to try and keep up with my pace and say hi, I'll be impressed. This past Saturday's jaunt to the grocery store produced no such men though. I had to go to the laundromat to wash the bedspreads I use to line Jazzmin's crate and her bed in my room because they don't wash well in a normal machine. The laundromat was pretty deserted even in the college town where it was and while I did get my laundry done, someone there walked off with my bleach and I ended running out of quarters before everything was dry. I suppose a laundromat in a more populated area might produce better results but I live where I live and it is what it is. I belong to a gym and go on weekdays either before or after work. There are rarely more than three people in the place and the ones that are there are usually older gentlemen or women. I admire and appreciate anyone who works out and takes charge of their health but have yet to see any men there that appeal to me. Again, I'm there with a purpose and my time is precious so I don't really go to window shop for dudes. I have occasionally noticed younger men glance at me when they're actually there but usually the attention I receive is due to my clumsiness. I've lost track of how many times I've become tangled in my earbuds and accidentally dropped by mp3 player while on the elliptical. I've also whacked my head on a few of the machines while adjusting things and stumbled over air pockets in the floor so if a muscled guy is looking for a little hard body chick who is grace personified, that sure isn't me! So my weekend was a whirlwind tour of the usual "singles scene" and while it was interesting, I didn't meet a single available attractive man. I continue on my quest for love and companionship though and to all those other single people out there on a similar quest, I wish you the best of luck! Just remember that fortune favors the bold and the sweetest rewards can come from the hardest work. "Must Love Dogs" starring Diane Lane and John Cusack is one of my favorite movies. I can relate to Diane Lane's character on many levels and the part in the grocery store involving how much chicken she wants to buy always makes me laugh. It's an amusing movie for those who enjoy romantic comedies like myself. I'm still personally in search of love. I'm sure I'm not alone in my belief that it is no easy task. Trying to find that one other person who connects with you in the deepest part of your heart and accepts you unconditionally is a daunting endeavor. Many have thrown in the towel or "benched" themselves feeling it hopeless, but not me. Perhaps it's the undying romantic in me that holds out hope that someday, the right one will come along. My girlfriends all want me to find someone special who can truly appreciate me and my unique quirks as much as they do. As cool and cute as I believe myself to be, I have received rather mixed signals from the opposite sex, as I'm sure everyone has. Sometimes the uncertainty and confusion of it all leads me to wonder if it might be easier to be a dog. For one thing, dogs don't really understand a majority of human conversations. If someone tells them "you're weird" in a fun praising tone, they'll think that's an awesome thing! If a person just wants to be with them to pet them, that's just peachy too! Not to mention the fact that dogs receive cookies for doing something good. Were it possible for me to reward myself with a cookie every time I did something praiseworthy without it going to my hips, I'd be all for that too! But I'm human and like ALL humans, I'm flawed. I'm beautifully imperfect me. What I find interesting about the movie "Must Love Dogs" is that neither of the main characters actually own a dog until the end credits. Obviously that isn't the main point of the movie but it's part of the theme. I do personally own a dog and I love my Jazzmin and I want a man who can love her too...just not more than he loves me. Sound peculiar? If you'd lived my life up to this point, it wouldn't sound peculiar at all. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, a majority of dog lovers that encounter Jazz comment on what a beautiful dog she is. I don't disagree with them. Jazz has gorgeous conformation when she stands alert watching for something and nearly every inch of her is sleek, and yet somehow curvaceous, muscle. Her adorable brown eyes are outlined in black giving her that 80's look and her right ear is always up a little higher than her left. She has a streak of white down her nose and down the front of her chest and she always looks so clean and well put-together. Every morning I wake up to her head on the edge of my bed as her tail thumps in a cute rhythm against my hamper and feeling that kind of love and loyalty is a great way to start the day! She has this way of flopping down on the carpet as if she's just gone "splat" and she can be oh so dramatic when laying in the middle of the kitchen trying to pretend she doesn't know I'm cooking. If that whole description of my dog just made you start to nod off then you're obviously not as appreciative of the canine form as myself. I adopted Jazz from a local shelter to keep me company, make me feel less lonely when I don't have my daughters and to make me go for walks. She did all of that and more and I am eternally grateful I found her. Judging by the huge burp she just did in my face as her comment on dinner, she's grateful I found her too. She'll be 3 years old in October (as guessed by the shelter) and she's still very much a puppy. She's a very good girl and has decent manners but I admit we could use some help coordinating our efforts out on walks. We may always be figuring each other out but I love her and she loves me and we work. Now if I can just find a man who cares about me, thinks it's cool that I have such an adorable dog and has no problem when I occasionally load her in the car to go see him where he lives...then we'll be talking. For now it's just Jules and Jazz and the never-ending adventures continue... I was texting my best friend yesterday evening and I jokingly told her that I should write a self-help book entitled "Don't Cry with Makeup On." It really is good advice actually. The reason I recommended removing your makeup before crying is not because I'm concerned your mascara will run or your blush will streak, but because it hurts! It hurts crying with makeup on because the stuff gets in your damp eyes and burns! I've made the mistake of crying after I applied anti-wrinkle cream more than once and that pain is even worse! Alpha hydroxy and tear ducts do not get along. I do understand that fits of crying do not always wait until one is safely home and free of the day's makeup but if you can make it home after a rough day and know the tears are coming, whip out the makeup remover towelettes and take that important first step. Wait to apply anti-aging cream until after...if you can even still see where your eyes were. I am not implying that only women cry, I know men cry even if they won't admit it. Do I think everyone cries as much as I do? Certainly not. Do I think there's something wrong with me because I cry as much as I do? Heck no! I held a majority of my emotions inside for most of my life, especially the negative ones. I had no problem expressing joy, amusement, excitement but sadness, forget it. I knew once I let that dam break it would never be whole again and I feared the weak, worthless creature I'd become. Here's the kicker though, it isn't weak to cry; it's called being human. If we weren't meant to feel then we wouldn't have been blessed with emotions. Yes, I said blessed. Me, the woman who now cries at the drop of a hat so well she could star in an overly dramatic soap opera, believes that emotions are a blessing. Do not misconstrue what I'm saying and think that I'm sad all the time because I'm not. I have accepted though that there are certain things that I can't think about without crying. My father's death, my mother still without a man who loves her, my oldest daughter's sensitivity, my youngest daughter's developmental delays, my friends' pain, my myriad of creatively broken hearts, my constantly misbehaving car...these things make me cry. I don't cry because I've given up hope, I will never do that, I cry because I feel. Feeling is good and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! There may be times in your life when you have to store away emotions until they can be tackled at a time you have more strength and that's fine. Just remember to tackle them first or they will overcome you. None of us can really master our emotions completely, it's like trying to tame a wild animal. That wild animal might be sweet and cute as a domestic pet until one day their instinct takes over and they remember the wildness in their blood that enabled them to survive and evolve. Never forget that we humans are animals too and we are constantly evolving and if we do it right, we evolve into better versions of ourselves. A good cry really can do wonders and if you have a shoulder to cry on, that's even better. I have friends who are there in spirit offering their shoulder and that is a great thing. I also have my lovable pup Jazzmin who is always at my side when I cry and she never minds if I get her fur all wet as I hug her. She will also lift her paw for a friendly shake as if to say "I understand, Mama, now give me some paw" and that always makes me smile and laugh. Having a friend, lover or pet who can make you laugh amid your tears is a huge bonus. Laughter is an expression of joy and it is just as vital as expressing sadness. Do not wallow in your sadness, that is not its purpose of being. Sadness is a cleansing emotion and expressing and releasing it facilitates the arrival of more light and energy into your spirit and your life. The sun always breaks through the storm eventually and when your tears dry (and the puffiness of your eyes diminishes) you will finally be able to clearly see the beauty of the sky above and accept all the gifts bestowed upon you. This coming Saturday, August 25, 2012 will be the one year anniversary of me buying my own house. Not bad for a girl who never thought she would see her name solo on the deed to a property. You see, I got married at 21 years old and I thought I'd already achieved the fairy tale and that I was set for life. I was wrong about that. That fairy tale was not what I thought it was but as I'm a writer, I figured out how to rewrite my own happily ever after. I learned that there isn't just one "happily ever after" but several and they never end. Not unless you want them to. Last April I moved out of the house in the country that I'd picked out and lived in for 9 years and into a much smaller apartment. I never realized how much stuff I'd accumulated over the years until I went to move it all. Thankfully, my new apartment had a garage and a full basement, otherwise I don't know where I would have put all of my belongings. Moving from a two story house with 1800 square feet, an open floor plan, three bedrooms and one and a half baths into a two bedroom apartment with under 1000 square feet and a single bathroom was quite an adjustment. But it was an adjustment I happily made because it meant I was free. Free of being told what to do, free of being belittled and mocked, free of obeying rules I had no part in setting up. I would have lived in a box under a bridge by that point to achieve my freedom. I don't think my daughters would have gone along with that idea though. I moved a majority of my boxes of stuff on my own via several full loads in my trusty Explorer. My apartment was less than 10 minutes from my old house and some nights I'd take 2-3 trips back and forth as I prepared to finally escape. I wanted to be fully moved out by the time the separation papers were signed and I pretty much was. I was essentially starting over so I also had to purchase and assemble most of my furnishings. Did you know that you can buy a non-futon couch in a box? Well now you do. My friend and I assembled my little couch and as I know all the parts involved in it, I am certain of its stability. I got really good at assembling storage cabinets and bookshelves too and could probably still do that in my sleep. I was literally exhausted for the first month after moving into my apartment. Problem was, I was also suffering from insomnia. I'd just made the biggest transition of my life to that point and my mind was on overdrive as it filled with worry and uncertainty. This was not the life I'd imagined for myself and my daughters, what if I screwed it up? My first night alone in the apartment without the girls was extremely hard. I remember crying on my kitchen floor with my two lovable cats rubbing up against me thinking their mama was going to suffocate if she didn't breathe at some point. I can still feel that cold tile floor pressing into my skin as I write this and feel that ache in my heart. Being unable to see my girls every day and night has grown easier but as I was a stay at home mom and they were my entire world for 9 years, it will never be completely acceptable to not have them with me. So I lived in that apartment and it was nice enough but it drove me nuts having to share walls with people. My old house had over 3 acres of property and the apartments shared a small yard area which did not compare at all. I quickly began to feel like I would suffocate if I had to live there forever. I'd been looking for a house since before I moved out but my realtor and I hadn't had any luck. Living in that apartment made me realize that I could do just fine in smaller square footage than my old house, just as long as I had some space to breathe! That realization proved very useful as it helped me re-examine what I needed in a house. Two bedrooms was insufficient because the girls sharing a room meant they stayed up giggling until way past their bedtime so I knew I needed three bedrooms. Sharing a single bathroom was tricky with three females but we managed so that was fine. As long as my future house had a basement or garage for storage, I'd be set. There had been a home for sale for as long as I'd been looking but I kept dismissing it because it had under 1000 square feet. I decided to look at it closer and when I saw that it was on 1.4 acres, I concluded that the spacious outside would make up for the smaller inside. The people had moved out months ago and it was move-in ready. Several families of mice had in fact, already moved in as my cats later discovered. I looked through it with my realtor and I fell in love with the spacious yard, flat driveway (a truly rare gem in the hills where I live) large side deck, recently redone kitchen and blue paneling in the living room. Blue is my favorite color and I'd never seen blue paneling before so I was hooked. Two of the bedrooms were good sized with the third one being somewhat small but I knew my youngest would be more than happy just to have her own room. My mind made up, I put in an offer and the sellers accepted. I was thrilled! The idea of moving again five months after moving into my apartment was not exactly exciting but I knew I could do it. Between putting in my offer and finally closing, I think I gave the bank everything except a DNA sample. It was all worth it though. My name alone was on the deed, my divorce was final and everything I did with my house was completely up to me. Just typing the words "my house" is an empowering thing! Being a homeowner has certainly come with its own unique and surprising challenges. I've met them all and figured it out and I will continue to do so. I love my little house and I've made it my home but I have also learned that it is just another "happily ever after" on the road to many more. There is far more to my future than being a woman living alone in the middle of nowhere country and I look forward to all my future destinations and the adventures that await me. I wonder what it is like to be "that woman."
The woman who walks in the room and demands everyone’s attention. The woman with the dark eyes, full of mystery and magic that draw in both men and women, and makes them yearn to know the secrets hidden within. The woman with the cascading raven hair that evokes ballads from minstrels and sonnets from poets. The woman who leaves a nearly physical spirit behind with anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to touch her. The woman whose vision lingers in dreams and whose voice echoes softly amidst whispers. The woman with fingers tender enough to caress the most delicate of mists and nails hard enough to pierce the harshest of stones. The woman whose influence is remembered when her existence has long faded. The woman men rally to defend though she possesses her own strength for battle. The woman who runs drenched amidst a thunderstorm to challenge the lightning with her fists. The woman whose passion is not seen with eyes but perceived by souls. The woman whose laughter can illuminate the darkest of days if only in a memory. The woman who can carry the heaviest and saddest of hearts upon her shoulders without a single faltering step. The woman who lingers on the edge of darkness while clinging to the shadows of moonlight. The woman who cherishes the girl of her past while knowing that she is intertwined with the goddess of her future. That woman within and without me. I believe I've probably mentioned this in previous blogs, but I don't do things the usual way. If there's a normal, set path for doing something then I most assuredly deviate and blaze a new trail with my machete of determination. I set a goal and it is vivid in my mind and within my power to obtain and so I pursue it every way I can figure out how. As I'm traveling the new path, I think up all these ideas and aspects of my goal that were not immediately visible to me and I then have to find bridges over occasional pitfalls. Luckily for me, I was blessed with a clever and intelligent mind that continues to amaze me and I am always able to build that bridge and find the light in total darkness. I have never been and will never be, an average girl. Average is boring and predictable and I am vivacious and spontaneous. We are all of us extraordinary, if we just take the time to stop and look inside ourselves and realize what makes us all unique. I highly doubt following the rules brought success to any of the great trail blazers in history and being timid just means you get shoved aside out of the path of braver folks. I don't take being pushed aside well and I certainly don't abide by being overlooked and forgotten. To that end I've learned not to let certain things faze me and to accept that when someone fails to see my potential, it is a failing on their part and not my own. I'm tough and I'm strong but I am also very loving and expressive. It really is all about finding balance. In my quest for my dreams, I have posted the first of many installments in my Massachusetts story on the page appropriately named "Massachusetts." It truly is my story and not a fictional tale meant to draw in audiences. Writing fiction is far safer and what I'm accustomed to but playing it safe only seems to hold me back. You can certainly get to know an author through their fictional characters because they are all extensions of the writer, but I thought for now I'd just skip ahead and let you know the real me. My beloved English teacher told me in 11th grade that I should write my autobiography and I remember thinking he was crazy. I was only 16, what did I know of life yet? Turns out, he knew what he was talking about and finally at 35, I'm taking his advice. I regret that he has passed and is not here to witness my transformation from shy girl to brave, bold, determined, stubborn, strong woman but I know that his spirit is impressed and continues to cheer me on. Thank you, Derek, I promise I'll make you proud! Nothing in this life is certain and that is the only thing I'm certain of sometimes. Uncertainty and the fear of the unknown used to cause me great worry and anxiety but I think I've finally realized that some things are just beyond my powers to control or understand. I know how strong I am, I know who I love, I know what I want from life, I know where I've come from and I know where I don't ever want to be again. The ground still falls out from under me sometimes and my heart still breaks but I've learned how to hover and that my heart will eventually somehow miraculously heal itself. I have this crazy idea for my future but to me it makes perfect sense. I am motivated and determined and I will achieve it. My original reason for seeking this new future has become clouded with annoying uncertainty and so I've altered my reasons in order to make a bridge over the unknown. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that what I do, I have to do for myself. I can't do things because they'll please someone else or bring me physically closer to someone. Being in closer proximity to a person doesn't mean I will be any closer emotionally to them. So instead, I focus on why I want to be where I will someday be. I will be closer to so many things I love and want to experience in my life and I know they will fill my heart and spirit and make unrequited love a thing of the past. I have never been directly asked this but I have asked my friends a similar question many times. What inspires me? My biggest inspiration is my father. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him with all my heart and wish he was still on this world. I know he is at peace now but there have been so many times when his little girl desperately needed his words of wisdom, his unconditional love and his wonderful bear hugs. I don't presume to know how anyone else who has lost their father feels, but I know how I feel. Losing him left an emptiness inside me that will never quite be filled but also uncovered a strength in myself I wasn't aware I possessed. He was such a good man and a true example of what every person should strive to be. His big, kind heart, sense of humor, accepting nature, easygoing temperament and great love for his family inspire me every day and in everything I do. I will continue to make him proud because though I've faltered and lost my way sometimes, I know he has never lost faith in me and that he is proud of everything I've accomplished. I am inspired by my mother and the strong, fiery nature I inherited from her and continue to build on. From her I learned to fight for what I want because I'm the only one who truly knows how to obtain my desires. She taught me that sometimes you just have to grab on and pull really hard or push and shove with all your strength to achieve the desired results, but the rewards are definitely worth it! I am inspired by my best friend because she is one of the most amazing people I've ever met and she loved and accepted me when no one else in this world would. She has a formidable power within her to bring happiness and joy to everyone she meets. As she comes into her own and gains victory in her battles, her light will only grow brighter and radiate stronger until nothing will ever again be able to dull her shine. I am inspired by my other close friend who isn't afraid to take brave leaps into the unknown and follow her heart. I admire her youthful wisdom and she has taught me so much and continues to humor my "adorable" naivety. I am inspired by my dear friend and his courageous heart, his devotion to his family and friends, his patience, his infinite spirit and his compassion. I am not entirely certain he realizes what an exceptional person he is but I do. No matter what happens between us, I will always consider him a good man and a beloved friend. There are so many other things that inspire me but alas, I've run out of time this morning to continue writing. For the moment I am still this lone woman in the country who is obsessed with the sky, endures unrequited love in stride while sharing her big heart with every creature she meets and whose writing voice is still mostly undiscovered. But that is all just momentary and not eternal. Soon the country will give way to busier streets and water views and an excitement to life I have only imagined. My future destination can't quite comprehend the whirlwind in store for it when I arrive... I am a big believer in signs. I like little breadcrumbs along the path to help me know I'm headed in the right direction. My internal compass malfunctions sometimes too and sends me in circles so a little extra guidance is a bonus. My curiosity leads me to explore various new and interesting things and I'm always gaining new knowledge. For someone as expressive as I am, it's nice to have cool facts rattling around in my brain that can pop out at weird and unexpected times. I was always amazed with my father's ability to pull up cool information when we were out and about. He always gained my immediate attention when he would say "Did you know that..." I learned so much from him and I always wanted to be like him. Turns out that I am in fact quite a lot like him. When I'm out with my daughters or my friends and I see something that sparks the memory of an article I read, I find myself uttering the words "Did you know that..." I love to share what I've learned and while I can never be certain if the people I'm with actually listen to what I prattle about, I prattle on anyway. Recently a couple of my searches produced rather interesting and coordinating results that I took as signs. I was digging through my numerous desk drawers looking for notes on the book I'm writing and while I didn't find the notes, I did find 15 forever postage stamps I had almost forgotten I owned. This immediately sparked some ideas within my mind as to what I could use those stamps for and none of those ideas were as boring as mailing bills. I pay everything online anyway so that would just be silly. I knew I could use those stamps to get my name and talents out into the world somehow but I didn't quite know how. I placed the stamps on top of my desk and began poking around online for information important to where I want my future to lead. This search led me to beautiful pictures and intriguing details about somewhere I already love despite the fact that I've never physically been there. I've visited there through pictures from my dear friend and in my daydreaming and I began to see that my creative talents could help more people love the area as much as I do. Suddenly everything clicked in my brain and it became clear to me where these new signs were leading me. I know exactly what I'm going to use those stamps for and I've set my plan in motion. I've started my own personal campaign to achieve my dreams and I call it "15 stamps to Forever." Some people might dismiss all that has happened as coincidence and I understand that and accept that everyone has their own beliefs. For me though, the signs are helping me follow my heart. I believe in love and the power of dreams and if you do too I invite you to follow me on my journey... In the same spirit of going overboard, I dream big. I have this awesome imagination and ability to envision all my dreams as reality. This skill helps me immensely in my writing and in my life. There have been so many times when I've been down in the darkness but my vision for the future has brought the light to me and kept me strong and sane. The path I'm on now is one I can't turn from and don't want to stray from but that doesn't mean I'm not just a little afraid. As many times as I've done something brave, bold and slightly crazy, I've never undertaken a mission quite as large as the one I'm on now. Self-doubt has held me back from so many things but this time I'm embracing the fire within me and using it to "save the universe" as I keep telling my friends. I do almost all of my daydreaming and future-envisioning to music and usually while I'm driving in my car blasting my latest mix CD or out walking with my earbuds in. I've come up with tons of story ideas while dream driving and walking and it always makes me eager to get back to my computer and write them all out. While I continue to work on my books and create the stories for them, I'm also working on my own story. The life I currently have is one I built off the resources someone else owed me, but the life I want for my near future and beyond I will build completely on my own. I had to settle for "this will have to do" out of necessity and a desire for my freedom but I refuse to settle any longer. There are so many aspects of this world that I love and so many people that I love and I am determined to bring it all together. I've loved the ocean for as long as I can remember, so I shall set sail and live closer to it. Visiting big cities has made me yearn for the excitement there, so I will make them more accessible to me. I've always wanted to take dance lessons in a big group, so I will put myself where the people are. The new people I've met in the past year have sparked my curiosity and desire to try new physical activities, so I will journey to where those opportunities exist. I will free myself up to spend more time with my long distance friends. I will make a future for my girls without limits, I will help everyone I love pursue their passion and experience a life of freedom. As you can see, I have a lot to do! The list grows longer every day but I know I can accomplish it all. I was blessed with my artistic gifts for the greater good and it's past time I achieve my potential. Through it all though I shall remain humble and grateful for all that I have. I will never forget where I've come from and all I've fought through to get where I am now. Where I am now is just a stepping stone on the bigger path and it's time to conquer the mountain! |
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