Today is the first day of October and autumn started several days ago. Autumn is my favorite season as the leaves on the trees turn vibrant shades of red, orange, yellow and purple. There is an abundance of purple leaves this year and I saw the first hints of it during my trip to the Adirondack Mountains this past August. I'm sure it has something to do with the peculiar weather conditions we've had and I am enjoying the unique violet hue among the trees. As much as I love the fall, October has been a challenging month for me for the past three years. My father passed on October 21st, 2009 and ever since then the entire month has a different feel. I have vowed to make October a strong and productive month for me though. I do not believe there is any set time that is appropriate for mourning the loss of a loved one. When someone precious to your heart leaves this world, dealing with that and accepting their absence is a long and perhaps never ending process. The pain is certainly less than it was three years ago but it's still there. I went to some bereavement support groups in the months following my father's death and there were people who lost loved ones over 10 years ago but they still teared up when talking about their grief. It takes as long as it takes and everyone heals at their own pace. My father's spirit is still with me and he looks out for me as best he can but I believe I am finally getting the hang of flying with these wings I started spreading years ago. My father had health issues before he died and he had suffered several strokes but his passing was still sudden and from something we never expected. After his first stroke he was rehabbed to almost 90% and his strength and determination was truly inspiring. His health issues scared me and kicked my butt into taking charge of my own health. I changed my diet and began seriously working out and lost 50 pounds in six months pretty much on my own. By the time I had my second daughter I was in much better shape than I'd been with my first daughter. It was also a bit easier to get back in shape after I had my youngest but I'm certainly not one of those celebrities that snaps back into perfect shape when their baby is two weeks old. I am and will always be a work in progress and I think we all are. There's no fun in being "done" and it's up to us to continue challenging ourselves to become better than we are today. I admit that in the hotter summer months I'm not exactly fond of working out so the cooler months of spring and autumn are when I really hit my stride. In order to get back on the exercise "wagon" I have started going to the gym four days a week before work. I only have about 20 minutes to work out by the time I get the girls on the bus and get there but I make the most of it. As long as I've got some up tempo music playing on my phone MP3 player I'm all good. I also take daily lunch walks of at least a mile when it isn't raining and walk Jazzmin on evenings I don't have the girls and the weather cooperates. Jazz and I did a lot of walking in the snow and rain this past winter and spring so I'm sure we'll get back into that soon. Nothing fazes that pup and when I say "Walk?" she runs to the door in eager anticipation. She's a great little motivator and I think she'd walk for 100 miles if I had it in me to go that far. If she ever manages to trip me and get off the leash I have no doubt she'd walk that far alone... Along with getting back in "fighting shape" physically I'm also going to re-awaken my creativity and start painting again. Painting is my favorite way of expressing what I'm feeling and my creations can always be translated in so many different ways. I have a handful of blank canvases just yearning to be caressed by a brush. I also do smaller works on watercolor paper because I like how versatile acrylic paint is on it when I add water. Water is essential in all of my paintings; it is how I blend my colors together in a background. Water is essential to life as is change. Life is always changing and flowing and diverging down paths we never anticipated. I shall keep my head and hopes up, maintain my steady pace and be vibrant, but I shall not fall.
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AuthorMy words are like my brush strokes, I'm never quite sure where they'll flow to and when they'll stop. Categories
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